Life can reach up and grab you where you hurt (yes there!). Most of us just turn away and pretend it didn’t happen, or maybe we try to blame someone else for our shitty luck. Really, we need to open our eyes wide and turn to look at what we did wrong right in the face! Opening up to our faults can be enlightening.
Hey, I do not mean for you to go out and despise things about yourself. As a world, we have more than our fair share of body-shaming, ugly comments, bullying and bad hair days. I am here to tell you that your crooked nose, your jiggly butt and your one eyebrow higher than the other are what make you fabulously, bodaciously, BEAUTIFUL!
No, I want us to start facing the things we are DOING wrong. The lost opportunities that we knew we were passing by, the feelings of inadequacy that we blame on our mother, the lamenting about lack of education or luck or money or whatever it is you think you are lacking! Step up and take ownership for the wrongness in your life. Then change it.
Everything that has happened up to this point is a wash. Really. You cannot go back and change it. All we can do is move forward. As you move forward look inward and outward and see the things about you that are holding you back. Most of the time, it is just attitude.
Have you ever spent time with a person that only points out the negative things? I used to ride the bus to work and the woman beside me complained every day about EVERYTHING. Her ex-husband, the size of the bus seat, the sun in her eyes, the person who had their music too loud, how irritating people are at her work and the fact that she cannot lose weight, but it’s not her fault because she uses her treadmill every day.
Do you notice the people who are the most positive are often those people who have had terrible things occur in their life? Some examples of famous people who represent this demographic are: Stephen Hawking, Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou, Dani Johnson…and some people who are not so famous: my mother, my husband, some Syrian refugees, maybe someone in your office, maybe that clerk at the Supermarket, or someone else that you know!
I need to take three steps back from my life and try to see the stuff that I don’t know about myself to get a more realistic view of how good I really have it, and how I am the person who caused all the wrongness in my life. Anyone who ‘did’ anything ‘to’ me was just reacting to their own feelings and life events. The things they did were because of them, not because of me. If there was an impact on me, I am responsible for how I let it affect me. I need to find all the chips on my shoulders and work at chiseling them away.
I know that I have a few, chips that is…I do not have a University degree. This is a HUGE one for me, and for the longest time I blamed events in my youth, my family obligations, time, money, blah, blah, blah. Then I continue to blame this lack of education for why I cannot get a job, get promoted, or earn lots of money.
We all have those ‘I can’t do that because…’ situations.
Anyone can get an education. You just have to decide to do this and put in the effort required to get the money (a loan, earn it, a grant, etc.), and put in the effort required to learn the material. Do not blame your lack of education on your upbringing or money situation.
Anyone can be fit. This one is actually way easier than education, because it does not cost a thing. Get off your butt and move it. Research fitness and follow the rules. Eat healthy and eat less. There you go; problem solved.
Anyone can be successful. Get a goal that inspires you and go to work.
A mental health diagnosis is not an excuse for behaving any way that you want. It is meant to help you understand why you feel the way you do so that you can adjust your responses accordingly. No, it is not your fault you have the illness, but it is your fault if you continue behaving badly.
Fat does not run in a family. It is not genetic. (Sorry.)
Nobody is fantastic at anything the first time they try it, or the second, or third, or sometimes even the thousandth. Sure, some people have a natural sense of rhythm or a good ear that helps them sing on key, but for most people, there is a journey to learn, improve, and perform. Whether this be dancing, singing, or presenting monthly financials at a Corporate meeting. You don’t step out of law school knowing how to solve all cases. It is a process.
Suck it and embrace your wrongness. It’s on you baby!
Questions and Exercises:
- Think about all the great things that have happened in your life. Write them down in a list. Identify what your contribution was to allow these things to occur. Maybe you got a job that you wanted; bought a house or a car; lost ten pounds; received an award for something. How are you responsible for the RIGHTNESS?
- Now, conversely, think about all the things you believe are holding you back in life. Write them down in a list. Cross out those that you have no control over (be honest here). Evaluate whether you believe that someone or something is to blame for these things. No try to identify what is within your control to change any or all of these things. How are you responsible for the WRONGNESS?